I Might be Laughing, but I’m Embarrassed too

Reading over my old rambles I really enjoyed laughing at myself. Mostly because of some of the ridiculous stuff that I wrote. I now understand why I get on people’s nerves so well. Who would want to hear me say that crap? On the other hand, if you pull out some of the things I wrote, I’m really proud of it, still. The NHL lockout comments were great. I look back and I really tried hard not to care what most people think of me, except for a select few important people. I always try to please everyone, though I would definitely not consider myself someone who wants to be friends with everyone. As always, my weakness is still that I care too much … about everything. I want to please everyone, I want everyone to look up to me, I want to be there for everyone. As “selfless” as it may seem, that’s not it at all. I enjoy it, it’s complete selfishness … kind of like the most rewarding jobs people can get are the ones where they help others.

That’s not to say I don’t enjoy my job, I love the structured freedom I have, the problem solving involved and the relatively low stress environment (although, I of course find ways to stress). There is just something missing. I want to show others how much I care about … everything. I want to help others care too. I think this is why most people get into politics, unfortunately they either don’t last or they get corrupted.

This is why people think I’m anti-social. The truth is, I’m not, there’s just only a select few people I can talk to without getting bored. I can only stand to talk or listen about most sports, pop culture or the weather for so long. I need depth. The envelope needs to be pushed with Religion and Politics, why can’t we talk about this? If you get offended because I have a different opinion than you, there is a major problem. I could talk for hours about either of these two subjects, the scary part is, it’s a one-way conversation except for three people I’ve ever met.

Hockey is the one sport I enjoy talking about, but since it’s the greatest sport ever, how could I not? Probably because it’s the only organized sport I’ve played, where tennis, volleyball, badminton, football, baseball/softball and basketball are all just pickup games every once in a while. There are many things I’d like to fix with the NHL. I think they’ve made a lot of bad moves, and while they say they have made changes for the fans, it just hasn’t helped. They seem as closed minded as most of our politicians.

Music is a great subject for me, but it normally goes one-way again since rap and pop are everywhere. I think I have one concert buddy, any concert I’d like to see, he’s probably already thinking about going. The greatest thing about music is how these guys can express themselves to creatively. I’ve always been jealous of their creativity. Although I’m not a huge System of a Down fan, or any of those other bands that yell about how much America sucks, I hope they realize how America is so great because they can make a living in America, expressing themselves to others about domestic issues. This is the best country in the world, and if you disagree, help me change it so it’s even better. We might be the most hated country, but jealousy is the root of all hate, so I’m partially OK with being hated.

Lastly, there is technology. Unfortunately, DRM, open source and anything non-windows is over 99% of people’s heads. I can’t say it’s because their heads are all in the clouds, but how can you not care about this? It’s like saying you don’t care about the government spying on you because you have nothing to hide – that’s not the point! This affects everyone, but so few people care, how can the few of us that do change the world around us? What will get people to see the light? Maybe first, if we can just get people to look for the light, they will find it easily.

I disagree with the statement that all forms of media (I’m not talking about “news”) have a political agenda behind it, but it is amazing how so many things can lead back to politics. But it is interesting to look back and see how I transitioned from paragraph start to political end.