What is Wrong With Me?

I haven’t written anything in a bit since re-opening a blog. Something is strange, I’m not really pissed off about anything right now. Sure, I could find something to rant about but … am I content? It can’t be attributed to being busy, since I was a lot busier in high school and college. Maybe it’s a mix of things going on in my life. I’m working out more than ever, I’m playing ice hockey about once a week, I spend my energy talking up open source alternatives. Three positives in one sentence – what’s going on? A little over a year ago I reached the few goals I set out for myself. The usual, graduate and buy my own place within a year. I was confused for a while over the summer because I didn’t know what was next. Maybe it’s the working out and playing ice hockey that is a release for me, but I don’t care what’s next. It’s great to completely clear your mind for a little while. I never really had something to do on a consistent basis that would do this for me. I’ve always played sports before, where people say I’m a different person (probably because I’m in another world), but never for a long period of time. Maybe this is all I ever needed to be content with how things are. I still spend time over thinking and stressing out about work and all the studying I need to do and, well, the rest of what’s going on in the world (how could that not stress you out?).

It could be that the consistent physical activity has helped, but I think it’s more than that. When I’m working out, I really focus. When I play hockey, I really focus. This is a great outlet. It’s a fact that I care too much and that’s what gets me in trouble, but where it really helps. Because I care too much, I focus more and try harder than anyone else on the ice. This isn’t a bad thing at all because I’m not stressed about it, even when I under perform, because I know if I keep at it, I’ll keep getting better. Why is this so fun for me? I don’t know, but it sure feels great to completely clear my head for a while.

What’s next for me? I haven’t spent the time over thinking it just yet. I’ve always wanted to go with the flow, just never been able to. Something will probably happen tomorrow, but we have a game on Thursday … sweet release isn’t far away. I should work out tomorrow but the Flyers are on and I don’t really have time to watch them and work out. Eh, I’ll figure it out.