Old Ramblings

To All the Bitches [Formerly] in My Life (3-7-05)

I’ve heard it for years now and I’m still not tired of it. I used to let it bother me but now it makes me smile. Ever hear “You choose your mood” what makes you upset you let upset you? This is the best advice I’ve heard recently. So to fill you in, I’m no longer bored of girls telling me I’m not their type, I’m too nice, I’m too awesome whatever whatever. The fact of the matter is as follows: I am too good for you, you want the chance to fail with someone else as opposed to being happy with me. It’s fear of success, plain and simple. I’ve learned to enjoy this because, well, I know it’s true. Every female that has ever told me this is going to be in a future relationship with some SUPER loser that beats her-and she’s going to like it. She’s going to be so distracted with all of her problems that she’ll totally forget how much of a better life she could have had, with me. I have taken the “It’s your loss” attitude to a whole new level. Today, you will tell me that I’m just not your type, unfortunately you have yet to realize that is your first (and fatal) mistake. I am every girls’ type. I don’t need to spit the details because if you don’t know them you aren’t important enough to. And what’s with all these people thinking they are so damn important? If you were really that important, you’d have a lot more of my attention…and since you don’t have it, YOU ARE NOT IMPORTANT, so stop thinking you are. But back to me, in a few years before most of you will not have made any sort of anything of yourselves I will have made more money in one year then you have to date. Ever so soon I will own my own house and be more successful, before the age of 23, then you will EVER. You haven’t even begun to think about what you are doing in your next year of college and I already know my path for the year I graduate and the year after that. So next time, hold back what you THINK you know until you really do know it, which you NEVER will.

What a SUPER Day (2-9-05)

Today I got up to go in to an expected long boring 8 hour day of work. But that all changed when I saw this guy grab a few DVDs. I thought it was strange, so I stood behind him and watched him grab a few more and start to walk out of the store. So I went up behind him and asked if I could help him, he said no and started to run. Now I know I’m supposed to go over to the phone and call the cops at this point, but what is that going to do? My instinct kicked in since he ran-I chased. I tackled him right in front of the store through the automatic doors. I had him down but all I had was his coat and I turned to yell at a lady watching, with her two little kids, to get help…she just stood there and screamed. So while my attention was averted he slipped out of the coat and ran to a getaway car. That’s right a getaway car for DVDs! I’ve got a few scrapes but it’s all good…$275 in DVDs. So he came into the store expected to leave with a lot of free merchandise and he ended up leaving with some bruises and no coat.

What to Do for VDay (1-25-05)

I should be sleeping right now because I have to get up at 6AM…today. But I can’t. Well, I can but just not right now. I’m tired and worn but I still have things on my mind. Closing every single night of the weekend for the past month and 5 times a week just sucks. Plain and simple. I was, however, able to enjoy one sweet victory by the Eagles, hoping for one more this year. I said at the beginning of the season, as long as we win our last game of the season, I’ll be happy. They have been the lone bright spot for me recently. By the way, I have to mention the obituary that had some words for Bettman and Goodenow. That is the coolest dead guy right there. In two weeks this no hockey thing is going to reach depressing levels. I’ve had the Eagles to hold me over so far but with no more distractions from it…Spring is dead to me. Anyway, since I’ve been busy working every night or being at school, I’ve spent about all the time I’ve had with the love of my life. Not music, not hockey a special person. The downside to this is that it’s me. I’ve been speaking with friends and I’m really iffy about a real relationship. We came to the conclusion that I’m not in one and haven’t ever really been in one because I am strange and lazy. Strange because I don’t like the chase but I like a challenge (Yeah I don’t know either) and lazy because if I know I can get it, I don’t move in. This is evident from a few girls in the past that I’m sure don’t read this. And at this point I am also told that I am crazy for passing it up…but that is what makes me, me. I’m not strange you are. What’s extraordinary if not ordinary or unordinary? I am a serious person and I think by not being in a serious relationship I avoid more stress, but at what costs?

If You Were Me and I Was You, I’d Be Jealous Too (12-30-04)

Can’t exactly remember how long I’ve been off from school because not much of my schedule has changed. Now I just have some extra time on Tuesday and Thursday. It’s been a fun week, of course every week that I’m not home except to eat and sleep is a good week. I just got the chance to finally see some rock on MTV2 and was ecstatic until I actually watched it. What the hell is with the foreign invasion of rock? The top 10 consisted of 3 good songs maybe. The rest included Muse (UK), Modest Mouse (Unfortunately, US), Franz Ferdinand (Austria), Jet (UK) and more crap. I usually reserve the adjective of cRAP for rap but I’m going to use it here too. If you want an almost complete list of amazing bands check out My Section. So I have a year and a half until my not so realistic goal of moving out on my own hits its deadline. I worked a little bit on my last day off on my resume and posted it to careerbuilder.com and monster.com. I figure that’s a start, even though my resume is mostly designed for an internship. Maybe this way I can get out of the babysitting/managering (yes I know that is not a word) teens and a job that couldn’t pay enough. For now I will deal with actually working even though some friends are sucking up the economy on unemployment while full time students…bringing in more than me. Along the lines of working, this semester I worked about 30 hours a week and earned a 3.87 GPA. On top of this I was me, which is definitely better than being you, so please remember that jealousy is the route of all hate when sending me death threats. I just got a junk email with the subject of “Every girl will want u” I thought that these emails were supposed to be life altering? Anyway, in the end, “Stop living in the past” and I would like to mention that “This Time Imperfect” by AFI is a freaking amazing song, it ends their latest CD “Sing the Sorrow”.

Forget You (As Well As a Different Four Letter Word Beginning with ‘F’) (12-7-04)

I’m listening to Coheed right now…I started out listening to my CDs in order but their latest album is so great that I had to put it in again. They are amazing, so I was looking at their lyrics. Looking through it got me thinking about a Three Days Grace song (another CD that I have, great lyrics too) that goes “Why do I love you, I hate everything about you.” I’m sure I touched this subject last time but here I am again, in this all too familiar situation that has been reoccurring every year for the past three years (this is the fourth). Of everything in the world around the top of my list of things I hate is the idea of fate. I hate the idea that no matter what I do something is going to happen (death and taxes I can live with, no pun intended). I hate the idea that there is someone in this world specifically around because I need her. Thus I believe that this line is one of the best definitions of love that I have come across. A close second and a bit longer, from Something Corporate, “if you ran to the end of the earth, I would catch you and you would be safe; if you fell down the well I would bring you a rope and take all the pain; all the pain that you hide from me everyday; if you’re missing I will run away I will build a path to you; if you’re missing I will run away because I find myself in you.” If you think that I am talking about you (obvious criteria would be that you: are female, smart, know me and are good looking-of course, the affirmative first two imply the same for the third) and my recent rambling has scared you, you are wrong. I know you well enough to know that you wouldn’t be, at worse you would be flattered and never tell me of my misguided thoughts to my face. We are slowly drifting increasingly farther apart and I don’t know if that scares me or excites me. I fear of losing you, you know that’s the last thing on my mind. But whenever we talk I can never gather my thoughts and articulate, let alone elaborate, what is going on in my head. It is some sort of subconscious nervousness that is the best way to explain it. In a few months you could be gone and never look back, you will be very successful I can tell. I’ve worked so hard over the past few years and you always bring me back down. If this is love, it is only worth having and not striving for. DAMN…I am happy…why do you do this…I know I need to just say it…but how…I can’t think around you…. Now that feels better, sort of. I normally end with a line about how SUPER I am or something sarcastic that no one gets. But now, I think I’m done. However that brings to mind the absolute all around best stand up I have ever seen. If you have seen Comedy Central Present’s Carlos Mencia you know what I mean (if you haven’t your life is not complete). The best ending ever in the history (written and unwritten) of peoplekind.

I’ve Learned to be Happy, by Myself (11-30-04)

There’s so much on my mind but I think that is because I’ve been so busy lately. And to answer the expected question, yes the title does have a double meaning because I am creative like that-oh crap triple meaning and I didn’t even mean it (since most people aren’t as smart as I, here it is spelled out: learned on my own, happy alone, and the author is me). Well, I was working and heard a Christmas song, because you can’t get away from them between Black Friday and New Years-which, by the way, I like because there’s no anticipation for New Years, unlike my birthday I don’t have to wait 10 months of the year for it to show up, before I can even start waiting for New Years at the start of a new year it’s already here, what an idea. Anyway, back to the Christmas music: In one of the songs I heard it said, “The fire is dying…we’re still goodbyin’.” So I finally learned the true meaning of Christmas, since we all know Jesus wasn’t born December 25th, the real meaning of Christmas has something to do with having sex, a lot or for a long time I’m not sure which. That also helps to give reason why guys buy women jewelry this time of year, why else do we buy it at all, am I right? Of course, I prefer the once a week “double mitzvah” as opposed to a yearly occasion, but that’s just me. The end of the year is coming and I care as much as always about it. However, right now I may have gone full circle and starting caring about something I didn’t want to for a while. It is hard to say what’s on my mind in this case because in all honesty it scares me and I don’t know how someone (often referred to as “the one” when I’m not totally “myself,” if you know what I mean) would react. Of course that gives me reason to not act “myself” every once in a while, as well as gives me hope for the farther future. I know this is really abstract but I’m almost afraid to straight out say it because of the aforementioned circumstances. YES, two words in a row with more than ten letters I AM SO SMART! That reminds me of Homer which reminds me of my free nights over the summer watching The Simpson’s, That 70’s Show and The Simpson’s again. Since Sesame beats the crap out of me I normally fall asleep in the middle of the second helping of The Simpson’s. Anyhow, I will get back to work on this great quote. “So many of our ideas sound good in the circle but afterwards just sound stupid.”

Life as I Know It (11-8-04)

Got home from work a short time ago and I was unsure how to take what I had been told. No I’m not talking about the Eagles game and how all the bandwagoners are going to kill themselves (please be careful when jumping off). The work day started off normal-me finding out who called out or didn’t show up and then calling them to find out why. Later on in the night when it started to slow down I saw someone that I hadn’t seen in about three years. She needed help with something so I was walking along with her and we started talking about what had been going on with each other recently. Well surprise to me, she’s a year younger than me by the way, she’s getting married in a week and is pregnant. Oh crap! Just before she said this to me I was thinking about how good she looked. I was thinking about when would be an appropriate time to get engaged and I was talking to someone else at work, she’s married with two kids and in her upper twenties. I thought at the earliest a senior in college is a decent time to get engaged, for me at least. Then I realized that isn’t going to happen in my case, but I also don’t want that to be the case. Not much else is going on…life is going as usual and the daily excitement of being me, and thinking about how wonderful that is, has yet to dull.

Ruining the Ending to a Crappy Movie is a Mitzvah (11-1-04)

If you plan on going to the movies anytime soon, do not see Ladder 49. Where to begin… Let’s see, they spend the majority of the movie building up the main character to kill him-what an idea! Second, I would like to re-edit the entire film. There was one scene that was shot from an alley way showing a fire truck drive by. I felt like I was watching that VW Jetta commercial. There was another scene that jumped from one fire truck to the other showing the windshield wipers going back and forth. For about 10 seconds we spent every other second in the other truck with the only sound being the noise from the wipers pushing away flurries. The third scene that bothered me was when the main character was saving some girl in an apartment. For about 30 seconds to a minute the camera loses focus every once in a while and then jumps to places real quick and to slow back down just after. All this is going on while there is a “whooshing” sound coming from somewhere. I thought there was supposed to be a ghost in the room or something. Lastly, among the scenes that I can currently think of, how many times does the entire shot have to be dark and then a flashlight catch the camera. I didn’t know if the director wanted us to go blind so we couldn’t see the rest of the movie or just wants to never have another job again. After surviving through all of this, and numerous church scenes, I was at least hoping the movie would be in memory of someone. I’m sure there are thousands of names the producers could have carelessly thrown in at the end. They could have even had the respect and said that it was in memory of those firefighters that died saving people on September 11th. But no, they ruined a perfect opportunity at the end of the movie. There is a quick flash back to the main character coming out of his first fire and smiling with John Travolta which then fades to black and white. This scene then fades out as I expect a name to make me feel like my money went to someone besides a rich snob in California, but no, nothing. All that was next was the fricking credits. I don’t care who was in the movie, in fact I want to forget the whole damn thing. All this talk of fires reminds me of something I saw on the news that was 100% serious and I found 100% funny. There is a recall on Zippo LIGHTERS because they are a fire hazard. WOW, that’s one for the books. Oh and just an update, since everyone tells me I look like someone they know, the celebrity count is now at four…and I’m not even trying. They are, in no particular order: Travis Barker, Adam Sandler, Adam Brody and Milo Ventimiglia. I don’t know, all I know is that people find the strangest way to flirt with you. I never even heard of these people before they were mentioned to me as just as dashing as I.

Smartness (10-24-04)

Honestly, I am not trying to gloat or make myself feel better-I don’t need myself for that. If something isn’t working correctly I try and do something about it. If my natural curiosity and desire to fix what is broken makes me smart then so be it. However, it is not just this “intellect” that people admire, it is my ridiculous knack to remember everything interesting as well. An extraordinary number of people have told me how smart I am. Most of the time it is after I state approximately three random facts. Most people take these comments of mine for truth, and why shouldn’t they? “You are only as smart as those you surround yourself with” I don’t know who said that but wow does that make me feel stupid! I expect very few people to understand what I really just said. Anyway, I was thinking about how smart I was. I have made many dumb decisions in my life, but I don’t call them “dumb decisions,” except for just now, I call them “mistakes.” That too makes me feel smarter, I’m not afraid to make a mistake because I know it will not be the end of the world, and I will be better for it in the end, and if all goes as planned I learn something and look smart. I am currently, of course, listening to music and here’s a lovely line: “All she needs is some chloroform and she’ll be mine, chloroform the one, the one that you love and take her back.” Oh that is just classic. I don’t really understand the exact meaning of the song but if you are going to “chloroform the one that you love and take her back” I think you should see one of those special doctors before you act on your thoughts. And that is what makes people like me, no not the amazing ability to transition, but to think before you act. In more cases than not you will at least appear smarter than others. That brings to mind my mother’s favorite saying. Although there are many different versions of it it generally goes “Better to keep your mouth shut and have everyone think you are an idiot then open it and prove it.” I guess that could apply to my current situation, that it is better to keep my thoughts in my own head and have everyone think I’m crazy then write them down and prove it.

NHL lockout: What Can (Not) be Done in a Month (10-18-04)

Imagine all that can be accomplished in a month. One month is an average 30.44 days or 730.5 hours or 43,830 minutes. Imagine how much can be accomplished in just one minute. Now realize how many minutes are in a month (43 THOUSAND and 830) and realize how much more can be accomplished in that time. Now think about this: In that time a group of multi-millionaires have been arguing, if we are lucky enough for them to be talking at all, with another group of multi-millionaires. During this time, millions of other people are suffering in various ways. A lot of small business owners are losing profit due to these “grown men”. Others still are unable to pay their bills because they lost their full time job awhile back but have been able to pick up a part time job selling overpriced food. Cities all around the continent are losing a great amount of income tax revenue. Many others, like me, are suffering from missing the “coolest game on Earth”. That’s right, I grew admiring these players, this game and the continuous let down the Flyers gave me. All of that is still worth it. I can’t say I’m lost without it, but I am certainly without something. I have always owned something hockey, something Flyers. I’ve had t-shirts such as “Life is simple…eat, sleep, play hockey” and “Hockey is life”, the worst part is that I still own (and wear) them today. Worse still is that I used to believe it. My life continues on without hockey and all I can do is hope that the spoiled, naturally talented get their own someday. I don’t fully put them blame on the players though, who’s going to say no to a lot of money. The owners are just as bad and they are, both driven by the same thing-greed. If they were driven by the same reasons they started out with, the same reasons that we all used to play, the same reason why I am currently writing this, we would not have this problem and never would. For the love of the game, bring it back soon.

Everyone is Entitled to Their Own Opinion, but My Opinion is Otherwise (10-13-04)

I was walking on campus to a class today, after all when else would I be walking on campus. But anyway I saw this guy, probably some SUPER right wing catholic, carrying a sign that had one word and one picture on it. The word was “abortion” and the picture was the burnt remains of a child. That was one of the worst pictures I have ever seen in my life. Last time I checked, abortion was not done by injecting a flammable liquid into a pregnant woman and then throwing a match. Why is it so important to some people to push their opinion onto others? Similarly, just the day before I was once again walking from class to the train station and this guy came up to me with a book in his hand telling me to take it and read it he said “it’s just like yoga”. I looked at the title, “Bhagavad-Gita”. I think that about 95% of the students from Temple would already know just from the title that this schmuck just wants to convert you. Therefore, I have come to the realization that I might be pushing my opinion about how much bush sucks. I will just say that I promise to stop pushing this opinion onto others as long as everyone in Pennsylvania that voted for Rendell votes for Kerry (since the media bailed on Dean for showing enthusiasm in politics-how dare he and the sheep followed suit by voting incorrecntly). Better yet, I’ll put my faith back into the system and say as long as everyone that voted for Gore votes for Kerry. Enough is enough, but if you would like to hear my opinions about Bush, and you have a spare 45-60 minutes, let me know.

My Birth Day (10-9-04)

I have never really made a big deal about my birthday. This year was not much different. After all, I worked that day. While most people would request off for their birthday, I didn’t. While most people would call out at the first cough, I didn’t. That’s right, I was sick and working on my birthday and I’m not complaining. What is 20 anyway besides a nice even number…I hate nice even numbers. The one thing I don’t like about birthdays are those SUPER dull cards that everyone gives you. Credit to my parents, Uncle Al and Aunt Phyllis and to my sisters. Although the sisters’ card was corny, it still gets a point for creativity. The card from my parents’ was as follows: “Son [picture of kid with mask, cape, hat and sword] There’s only one you… (inside) That’s all the world could handle.” HAHA, that’s great I love a good smack in the face, especially on my birthday. Next, from my Aunt and Uncle: “Real men don’t ask for directions [picture of perplexed guy behind the wheel looking at a map] (then to the inside…) Happy Birthday…wherever you are!” Yes, two smacks, two cards, one birthday. What a ratio.